that last lingering beacon of hope which paved the way for me through these...10 months.
its gone.
i've always thought of myself being very mentally strong, although not so much physically but i was strong up there.
and i told xuan that yes i am over him. what a stupid lie. i lied without knowing i lied.
i said things without understanding myself. without knowing what i really really felt deep down inside.
some things although i actually know the truth, i try not to believe it. or rather, i dont want to.
its called self-denial honey. it keeps me going. keeps me going through my recent brighter days. keeps me going when the world seems to crumble down all around me.
and now, i know its true. its staring at me right in the face.

he's in love with someone else.

i don't blame him for being cruel to be kind, cos i know i rather hurt now than later.
i rather not hurt at all actually.

the very one time i had faith in someone, or in both of us, i don't know what to make of it all now.
its hard to find decent ppl nowadays, who aren't superficial, who arent materialistic, and who looks at inner beauty.

i'm fabulously single. fabulously. and i love Taboo.

but its alright. singlehood indeed has its perks. i sound really sour about it, but i'm not. at least i don't think so.

but shit, being broke doesn go well with being single.

friends do not put you down just because they do not agree with you.
all of you have no idea how much it means to me to hear that getting therapy/counselling is alright. ever since fabius called me cuckoo, i've been hesitant in telling ppl about it. i don't want ppl to think that i'm so and so. the certain stigma.
and i'm very grateful for all of your reassurances during dinner the other day. the fact that when simon said it out, it was met with protests about these kind of remarks, not only to me, but to anyone who is undergoing such stuff. i realised that maybe that 7 yr friendship didn't mean so much to fab as it did to me. and it wasn't just one moment of insensitivity either.
i've had it. its done and over with. nothing he says can take back his words. not even sorry.

hah. i'm such an unforgiving bitch huh.

Bailey: You know as well as I do it's not about what you look like, or your job, or how successful you are. It's about having people in your life that you love and who love you...that's all that matters.